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Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    Confused wife   08/11/2017 10:05 PM  
My husband is not ready to share what's happening with finances and no access to his bank statement nor is he ready to open a joint account ( I don't really expect that because I am a non working wife)

All he has to say is I know what to do with MY money. U can earn yours & then look at the statement ( I am hurt cz I told him clearly that I won't be working after marriage) . I never showed my mom how can I show u.???is wat is responded 😱 He jumps on me shouting "Don't you trust me ". ?

Don't I have any rights to even look at his bank statement.
I am not asking him to open a joint acc or share his password ( he lock all his phone , laptop every possible thing ) I don't have access to any...

Since I am a mother of two now ..I am feeling insecure

He makes me feel guilty for no reason. And blames me that I don't trust him.


But I feel that he is not trusting me enuf to share his bank statement or why is he even hiding it from me ?

Can anyone let me know if I am wrong anywhere & how can I correct myself & the situation


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Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    Hus   08/11/2017 11:01 PM  
you have all the right to know, but don't create a fight.
Have you asked him multiple times already?
Maybe it's as simple as he don't have much money in his account and he don't want you to know, or his love for you got slightly reduced for whatever reason.

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Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    Desi 2020 helper agenct 12035798834   08/11/2017 11:11 PM  
Tke divorce that sit basically uur job kitchen and kid...oterwise find else

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Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    Leela   08/12/2017 12:14 AM  
If you love him to your core why this money issue is going to come just trust him, is he buying ur necessary things? Don't bully him by asking this type of questions, as a wife support him, in leisure time just tell him softly I am worried about our future thats why asking about money, on that time if he is going to shout at you, it's clear that he don't have much money tension all stuffs, be a good wife, mom of 2 kids support your family and enjoy your life with them. Don't take unnecessary stuffs in your mind.

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Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    Urop Soni   08/12/2017 03:54 AM  
Nice thinking, I agree with you Leela.

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Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    Confused wife    08/12/2017 06:52 AM  
Yes ! I asked him during our happy times

He drink daily at home & gamble sometimes .. I thought let me give him his space. He go out with his friends most of the time & don't come back whole night. Don't I have any rights to ask about anything. I feel like a disrespectful woman here. I can't do anything on my own cz I don't know driving. I am so dependent & he treats me like an illiterate person & tell me that he is from a poor background & know how to save money. We rich ppl don't no how to save is what he meant. I don't like My cooking from day1 of marriage & all my friends say I am a very good cook.

Does he have problem with me.

He made me feel like a dumb person I spoke abt him how I feel.

He is being stone hearted

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Re: Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    Leela   08/12/2017 07:04 AM  
It's life yaar,everyone have got each problem. Tell me one thing with kids how is he? Never ever let you down, if your husband said so do you think as u r not worth.. noooo, don't give up. If you can't able to handle your situation talk with ur parents, for everything we got a solution.

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Re: Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    BNR   08/12/2017 08:38 AM  
I believe the first discussion about money might have started in bad mood and no one ready take a back step as it is prolonged for many days. The only problem from your side I see is looking at the info as a right to know than getting those details as information. You would have asked like can we buy a house instead of staying in apt (as an example)?. or Looks like the utility bill is going up, I think we need to cautious about electricity usage. In these situations he may open up and says we have enough money or that's ok or yes, better to save. This way you will understand what is going on Financial side. Though your intentions are good, but you are not communicating in a way that your husband feels the same. You just ignore all the discussions happened till now and live like how you were during the first year of your marriage. He will see the change soon and start thinking differently. Even if brings any topic related to money, tell him like you are not interested in that any more. If he really looking for any help in money related issues, then only show some interest and try to help him. Otherwise, let him take that headache. Try to get out of mistrust asap and have a wonderful and happy life

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Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    RN   08/12/2017 09:52 AM  
Drinking and gambling are an escape from an unhappy marriage. Either you accept it, fix it or leave. Do not fight it and be miserable.

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    Confused wife    08/12/2017 10:00 AM  
Better not to ask him abt his finances.

That's all I can do

Waiting to get a GC & start working.

It's been 2 years of our marriage. V appear to be a perfect couple in public which most ppl aspire to be. Now it's out of control He use abusive language in the public here cz nobody understand our language but I feel embarrassed.

Some1 here said kitchen & looking after kid is my job. He is interfering in that job too.

When I try to call my parents he took my phone & told me it's my phone.
It's so hard to earn each dollar. I know the value of it.

It's not a blame game here. He records our convo & even if he thinks he was the one wrong . He don't accept his mistake or feel guilty about it

It taught about it a lot before bringing this issue into a public forum.

I don't want to divorce him nor does he cz we choose each other for good but things are getting out of control. My mom wasn't happy with my choice yet I convinced her that I will be happy no matter what.

Now I can't share my sadness with any ... nor friends nor family .. it's killing me !

I feel so much better now ( everyone are stranger here)
I am happy & glad that strangers are making me feel better.



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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    Confused wife    08/12/2017 10:01 AM  
*waiting to get his GC processed & start working here

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    BNR   08/12/2017 11:53 AM  
He may be in the GC tensions too. Nothing to panic and see the bright side in him. There will be some mistrust in first few years of married life, it is very common. I can see the way he is behaving with you (if it is happening recently) is actually shows that he is in somewhat bigger tension and to overcome the same, he is showing the irritation on you. If he is really having some problem and may need emotional support - may be he lost so much money in Gambling and don't know how to recover and want to keep that info hiding from you. Again don't try to investigate these type of things on your own. Just calm down and show your love towards him. He will understand you at least after sometime. All the best!!

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    E   08/12/2017 12:06 PM  
I have seen these traits when people are loosing in the gambling..

On the other hand, I am a male, and I am of the opinion in general, every women should learn to drive when they arrive first time in US. Don't choose easy path of my husband drives so I don't see any need to.. once you get your drivers license, start driving to do some grocery on your own or with your other friends or you drive the car when you two are going together.. that will help you socialize and be more independent and confident.. It's never too late if you don't have license already.. gone are the days when women's used to be with the mindset of taking care of kids and home.. you are more capable than what you think you could do.. just my thought as my wife already do this..

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    ctwomen   08/12/2017 12:19 PM  
I am with her on this, thats a good point learning driving is a very good advantage, in USA people are so different or I say our community Indians are so huge that no body cares no body, no relatives that we cant handle, but no family friends here, lot of families feels bore of being alone yet unable to mingle with anyone so easily, and by the time they become friends with someone we have to move to different location, or if we make someone family friends so easily without knowing them much, they are taking extra advantage like the husband of other family trying to impress women of me.. and so avoiding those extra nonsense. India life is far better at any point, except few extra dollars.

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    Confused wife    08/12/2017 02:00 PM  
Yes ! I am feeling much better. Tysm 🙏🏽 I appreciate your valuable time and suggestions

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Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    HAHA!!!   08/12/2017 06:55 PM  
Bitch yo gettin Old..yo pussy stankz and looz az helz...he probly haz a side bich..!! you the home maker..the other women the care giver..!! he probably pay her monthly ...so he dont want u to know...!!!

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    Leela   08/12/2017 08:34 PM  
Dear don't get upset, be strong,do which is correct all the best.

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    Abc   08/12/2017 09:18 PM  
Its been 2 years of your marriage and you are mother of two .. how come ? You r just wastig time of everyone ..

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    Well wisher   08/12/2017 11:20 PM  
Things will get better soon. Don't talk about small problems like this on this forum. Your husband must be in some dilemma that's why he doesn't feel the need to share anything with you at this moment. Give it some time and he will come around and share everything with you. In the meantime do your role as a mother and his wife. Don't give up. Learn to be more independent, take a strolller and kids to walmart and go shopping. Don't be so clingy and needy of him. The less attention you give him the more attentive he will be towards you.just think about it you have 2 kids and yourself that he is trying to support. He is putting food on the table and being a good caregiver by doing his duties as a father and husband. He needs time out of the home and good thing he has friends he can vent to or enjoy with. Just tell him you don't mind him enjoying life just come back home at a decent time.

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    Desi   08/12/2017 11:36 PM  
Abc- might be twins

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Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    my 2 cent   08/14/2017 08:28 PM  
You have right to know, hoever, you should also ask him, how was his boss and team members doing, are they hard on him?

is he struggling with his job, or is he secure enough.

Has he received good feedback from client, or client has abused him.........

If you do not ask about all these, then you should fight with him over financial issues..... and let him relax....

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Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    Well Wisher - 2   08/14/2017 10:03 PM  
A lot of times- Men are hesitant to share their financials, when they are fearful that the woman may not agree with investment decisions or money matter decisions may lead to disputes within them. In this case, the trusting each other is very important. Go for counseling if needed. posting this matter on the blog, will only make matters worst. Talk these things out with each others parents. Talking with intention of working things out is important. Differences in opinions are common, especially in couples and this should not be taken to extremes. You have two kids now, so ask yourself is it worth, or can you live with it.It takes a life time to get to know each other, so think positively and hold the family together.Remember love conquers All.
God bless you!

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Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    All the best   08/14/2017 10:38 PM  
I am a husband and I also dont like to share my finacial with my wife. that is because my wife always wants to spend money for her family...she always cares about her parents...neglecting my parents/brothers because of whom she is here in USA. Most time she spends on phone with her family. I avoid fights because of my kids. She wants to work but that is to buy a lot for her parents/brothers and brother's wives.
Hope you are not like this.

Offer him a cup of tea/coffee or a glass of water when he comes to home. Don't ask him anything. Take care of his family and your kids with your best. Don't fight back, it will ruin kids life. Everything will be fine over time.

I have seen many cases like these. Wait and you will have a very good life ahead.






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Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    Pl   08/15/2017 09:51 AM  
I like your thoughts ... very true.

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Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    helper   08/15/2017 12:39 PM  
I am amazed at many of the responses here. It seems as if most of the people are still living in the stone ages. Don't ask him, be nice to him, be quite, take care of home nicely , let him be, seem to me the advice many are offering. What a shame !! Someone said don't talk of such small things in forum. This is not a small thing. She is his partner and has every right to ask him questions and to know about finances and any other matter. He is the one who is acting as a total jerk. She is taking care of kids and house, which is a job in itself. If he does not respect her then he is a loser.

My advice to the 'wife' is, first be strong and try to become independent. I know you cannot work because of the visa, but start doing things like learning to drive and finding friends with whom you can hang out. Don't be totally dependent on him. Above all be strong and do not be weak. If he becomes abusive and uses violence threaten to call the police. This will scare the shi# out of him. I know many will say, why do this, be quite and just be submissive. But why should she live like this? She seems a well educated woman. If he cannot respect her then he does not deserve her. She is a human being and every human being has dignity and should not be treated like he is treating his better half no less. Shame on this guy.

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Re: Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    helper   08/15/2017 12:43 PM  
contd..

And my advice to others who are giving her such shitty advice...start living in the 21st century. Learn the meaning of husband and wife (equal partners). Both need to respect and care for each other. Hiding things from each other means you are still not husband and wife, but more like room mates. You are all losers.

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Re: Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    helper's helper   08/15/2017 01:29 PM  
start living in the 21st century. Learn the meaning of husband and wife (equal partners). Both need to respect and care for each other. Hiding things from each other means you are still not husband and wife, but more like room mates. You are a loser.

Get hubby's point of view then blabber some shit!!!!

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Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    Raja    08/15/2017 01:39 PM  
Man yo gettin Old..yo rocket stankz and looz az helz...she probly haz a side bf..!! you the money maker..the other men the fun giver..!! he probably pleasure her ...so she dont want u to know...!!!

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Re: Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    Wellwisher - 2   08/15/2017 05:47 PM  
You are not wrong in saying equal rights and 21st century and all that, which is why you need to get to know your partner, and make a marriage decision based on whats important to you. You dont wake up after having two kids and ask for sympathy from a social blog that your partner will not share finances with you. You have to discuss these issues before living together or marrying each other.
Everyone has the right to live independently and have their rights. But Children are affected because of trying to prove who is mightier and in the end they are the ones who suffer.
This is not just for women, but to all couples who are going through these issues.

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    Ctdesi   08/15/2017 06:23 PM  
Great advices all people but honestly what is the reason behind you knowing his financials and what is the reason not disclosing financials is how you people getting treated each other since your marriage that matters ..in short keep supporting in all aspects of his life oftrol he is the only person earning in the family and he is good so far in that!! So let's ask your mom or your relative ladies who wants good to you don't ask jealous people they say yes our husbands disclose

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    Chamcha   08/15/2017 11:00 PM  
May be he is spending money on a mistress..

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    B   08/18/2017 02:57 PM  
Really

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    desi   08/18/2017 02:59 PM  
Chamcha,

You have such a narrow mind! Literally you would just make an assumption. You typical indian.


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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    Chamcha   08/18/2017 07:14 PM  
So are you, because you yourself made an assumption

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    Someone   08/19/2017 09:16 AM  
What I see from the behavior of the husband wants all controls in his hand. Typical Indian male dominating behavior.
Ideally the woman should start working. Learn driving, forward her education in some form . Just concentrate on herself and her kids.
Ignore husband.
Do not ask him anything. Do not tell him more than required for the needs of daily routine and family. Do not entertain him at all.
That's what he is doing to you.
Do the same to him.
If he wants he will communicate. If not don't get nervous or anxious. Continue to do what you are doing. But do earn and do learn . Because these are the things which will make you important. Even the kids will respect you more than before for your efforts.
Do not transmit your insecurities in to the children.

I wonder why people advice others to keep suffering on this thread.

Good luck , keep posting,




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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    EveryOne   08/19/2017 01:42 PM  
Get hubby's point of view then blabber some shit!!!!

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Re: Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    ...   08/19/2017 07:15 PM  
Luv u helper, marry me 😉

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    Beach   08/19/2017 11:00 PM  
Someone-there is no hope for someone like you. People like you are parasites should get a divorce and live life on your own. Why live in the same house and be unhappy and routine and all that shit? You can do whatever you need to and the routine on your own. Why ruin his life and everyone around you with your miserable and ugly nature.

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Solution for knowing financial Matter as a wife is a good or not    Bewildred   08/19/2017 11:17 PM  
Ye kya chutiyapa ho raha hai

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